The ight House

I did not grow up in a Christian home although I did grow up in a home with Christian values. My parents taught me to be honest in both word and deed, to have respect for all people, to use manners and politeness, never to cause trouble or start fights, not to make fun of anyone for any reason, to be humble in attitude regarding any accomplishments and never look down on anyone less fortunate than myself, to live a clean life obeying the laws of the land, and to never do anything to bring shame upon the family name. My Dad was also a very firm believer in teaching us the value of a well earned dollar. He put me to work when I was thirteen years old. I started working in the demolition business and later worked at his service station pumping gas. Since the age of thirteen I bought my own clothes. I bought my first car, paid for my own gas and insurance and earned my own spending money. Dad wanted me to appreciate the effort and sacrifices that went into having the things that many kids my age took for granted.

Although it was not a Christian home, it was a home where we all believed in God. My Dad liked to use the phrase, “The Old Man Above”. He never attended church, nor read the Bible and therefore was never knowledgeable in God’s word. He had nothing to teach me and my brother in that regard other than His existence is real and His power is great.

Mom shared Dad’s values and worked with him in teaching their sons these principles to live by. Her knowledge of God’s word was slightly better than Dad’s which probably came from the fact that her parents were born again Christians. Mom shared some Bible stories with me when I was a small child and I found them fascinating. Being a child with a very curious and inquisitive mind, I started to ask questions that was beyond her ability to answer. My maternal Grandmother suggested that she buy me a Children’s Bible Story Book. I read that book with enthusiasm again and again. I soon became the family expert on stories of the Bible although I was still just a child. On a Summer day in 1976 or 1977 my Mom was brought to conviction through a difficult trial in her life and gave her heart to the Lord. She was saved on Howard Hill while walking from the clothes line to the house after hanging out a wash to dry. By this time I was a teenager and far removed from any influence my Mom would try to invoke upon me.

Through the years I never forgot the stories I read in my Children’s Bible Story Book and even read the Bible on occasion. Because I knew those stories, I always enjoyed watching any movie of a biblical subject and enjoyed participating in conversations involving the Bible. Even with such knowledge and interest however, I was still very much living in the world apart from God. It may seem that a young man with such knowledge and interest in the Bible would be in church where he could expand his knowledge and indulge his biblical interests. There is a simple reason I stayed out of church; church conflicted with the sinful life style I was living. My interest of God’s word took second place to my sinful and worldly ways.

At this period of my life (the mid 70’s) the Barnette family were our next door neighbors. They were a family of nine children and their mother Kathleen (Mrs. B). I became close friends with the three children still living at home, Joe, Danny, and Joan (AKA Poochie). I was at their home probably as much as my own. My interest in Joan quickly grew to more than friendship though at the time it was very much one sided. Then Interstate 181 took both our homes and each of us moved about a mile in opposite directions. This was a wonderful thing because when we were no longer neighbors, we soon began to date. I guess she had a problem with dating her next door neighbor. It was while we were dating that Poochie was saved. In 1982 we were married in a little country church, Bradshaw’s Chapel. The officiating pastor was Andy Sensabaugh who just happens to be the husband of my wife’s sister Helen; so in the same moment he pronounced us Husband and Wife, he became my brother-in-law. Following the ceremony, I asked Andy how much I owed him and he said all he wanted was for us to come to church and I agreed to do so.

Our marriage has been a very good and loving one but like most, it has seen it’s trials. God has seen us through all of them without us ever separating. Naturally, being married changed my life in many ways. Some of my sinful ways came to an end all together. I had responsibilities as a husband and I took them seriously, but I was still lost.

Despite my sinful ways and even the fact that I was lost, God had a plan for me. God knows all things and he therefore knew I would eventually become His child. I was oblivious to God’s work he was doing in my life at the time and was only able to realize it in retrospect much later when I was under conviction.

The first work I am made aware of regarding God’s plan for me is that He moved me to a new job. In 1998, I was working at TPI Corp. as a Product Designer. TPI had not given any salary increases to their non-union employees in over seven years and they made it quite clear that they had no future plans to give any. They also did not provide any medical insurance for their employees. Like most companies where too much family is involved, favoritism and company politics abound. These are the reasons I wanted to leave the company. There was however a problem with leaving. As a Product Designer, I use a computer to execute my work. There are several design software packages used in industry for this purpose; some are common and some are rare. The software package that I used and the only one I had ever used was called, CADRA which was one of the very rare ones. This meant that it would be very difficult to find another job in my field in this area because my training and experience was limited to this particular software and most companies require a certain level of experience with the software they use when considering hiring a designer.

I researched to find any company in the area which used CADRA as their design software for possible employment opportunities. I found out that TRW in Rogersville, Tennessee, a designer and manufacturer of automotive steering systems used CADRA as their design program. One day in March of 1998, I saw an ad in the local newspaper for employment at TRW. The ad was not for Designers or even any administrative or technical positions; it was for plain old manual factory work. The pay scale was $2 less on the hour than I was presently making. I decided to apply. I received some criticism for that decision. Some people thought I was crazy to leave an office job for a factory job which paid $2 less on the hour.

I applied for a job with TRW and was hired on May 12, 1998.
Pay increases and promotions came much faster than I had even hoped for. Within eight months I had earned several raises for reaching certain levels of training bringing my wage to more than I was earning at TPI. I was selected to be a training coach which provided yet another pay increase. A position became available for a Quality Control Analyst for which I applied and was given the position with another substantial pay increase. God was pouring out blessings on me in great abundance!

For many years I had a desire to live in Carters Valley. I liked the rural setting with the convenience of being only minutes away from the city. For seventeen years I had lived in Bloomingdale and yearned to move but finances and job location had not made it feasible. By this time however, we had paid for many years on our existing home and therefore we had substantial equity built up which could provide a nice down payment toward a new home. With the increase in income the Lord had provided, along with the home equity we had, it was now affordable to seriously consider looking for a new home. Also considering TRW, my new employer, was located in Rogersville, and my wife still worked at TPI, a Carters Valley home was now a reasonable choice. We solicited the services of a Realtor and began spending the few days I had off looking at houses for sale in the Carters Valley area. We looked for several months but could not find a home that met our hearts desire. One day in March of 1999 we saw a house for sale at the corner of Old Hickory Circle and Maple Hill Drive which from outside appearances seemed to be what we were looking for. However, we also determined simply from appearances that it was outside our budget so we did not consider touring the home.

Meanwhile at TRW an announcement was posted on the bulletin board that nearly took my breath away. The Design Services Department was looking for a Designer with CADRA experience. I was dancing in circles when I read it! This is what I had been waiting for. This was why I took the risk of leaving TPI. I immediately turned in my resume and applied for the job. I got the job with another very substantial pay increase. Within thirteen months of leaving TPI , I was once again working as a Designer but this time with a Fortune 500 company who treated their employees very well. The chance I had taken paid off. My cup was surly running over with God’s blessings though at the time I did not have the appreciation for it that I do now.

With the new position of Product Designer accompanied with higher pay, buying the house on Old Hickory Circle became a feasible goal to pursue. We looked at the house and realized it had all the things we had been looking for. We made an offer and it was refused. We made a second offer and it was also refused. We decided it was not meant to be so we kept looking. We found another house which we did not like quiet as much as the one on Old Hickory, yet it was satisfactory. We decided to make an offer and our Realtor suggested we make a third offer on the Old Hickory house first and this time, let them know it was the final offer and if they did not accept it we would be buying another house and they would never hear from us again. It was an aggressive way to bargain but this time we had the advantage. Well, the aggressiveness paid off. Our offer was accepted. We moved in at 600 Old Hickory Circle on May 25, 1999.

Soon after beginning my new position with TRW as a Product Designer, I met a young man by the name of Mark Skelton. Mark was the son of a Baptist preacher and he himself was a deacon at his own church. My work station was right beside Mark’s. Before Mark and I ever had our first conversation, I knew he was a very knowledgeable and dedicated Christian by overhearing the conversations he had with others. He was always praising the Lord and it seemed he was sort of a mentor to other Christians in the office. People were always bringing their concerns, issues, and questions to Mark for his input and advice. Eventually Mark and I had our first conversation. Naturally our conversation was centered around some aspect of Christianity. Mark was surprised to learn that I was lost because he seemed to think that I had a lot of Biblical knowledge and understanding for a lost person. We enjoyed conversing with one another and continued to talk on such matters when opportunity allowed. I began to learn a lot about God’s word through Mark’s teaching. Things were brought to light that I had never seen before. Many misconceptions that I had held since childhood were shattered with the truth of God’s word through him. I believe placing me next to Mark was another part of God’s plan.

Through the years I had not forgotten the promise I had made to my brother-in-law who was the pastor that performed our marriage ceremony and had pronounced Poochie and myself “Husband and Wife”. Though I was lost, I still considered myself to be an honest
man with integrity and a man who kept his promises. It was a matter of procrastination that had kept me from attending church. I still had the intentions of making good on that promise, it just never seemed convenient enough to attend because I always had something else I wanted to do on Sunday rather than attend church. I always knew that when I did attend church, it would be at the church Andy was pastoring. Someday, someday.

When I first toured our home on Old Hickory, I had no idea that the church steeple which rose into view beyond the meadow behind my house was none other than the steeple attached to Freedom Baptist Church pastored by none other than my brother-in-law, Andy Sensabaugh! A coincidence? I might have thought so at the time, but due to events that was to follow and my new insight in God’s work, I now realize that placing me in this home, just a stone’s throw from this church was another step in God’s plan. That church steeple is the center of the view from my large dining room window. At night, the light of the steeple illuminates the whole north side of my house. As I walk through the house at night and glance out any window on the back side of my home, that church steeple is the first thing to catch my eye. It is very inspiring. It causes to think of God practically every time I walk through my house.

My Time of Conviction

Living within sight of the church, I was often reminded of the promise I had made Andy many years ago on my wedding day. I was reminded of it, every time I glanced out a window on the North side, every time I mowed the yard, and every time I drove by the church on my way to the neighborhood convenience store. My wife had already started to attend church on occasion. It took me a little longer. It was nearly a year after we had moved into our new home that I decided to come to church one Sunday. It was a spontaneous thing; I had not even planed on going the night before. I actually felt good about going to church that morning, not so much from any religious aspect, but because I was making good on a promise that was long over due. I did not expect to be ‘moved’ spiritually that day.

It was not very long into the sermon that I began to feel conviction move upon me. I had never had that feeling before. It was a feeling of guilt mixed with an uneasiness and out right fear. Different people are moved to conviction by different types of messages. For some a Hell fire and brimstone message is the motivator while for others it may be a message which tells of the peace and comfort that can be found knowing Christ. The message preached this particular Sunday was one demonstrating God’s love and mercy. This is the message that pricked my heart. As I sat there and listen to Andy preach that God loved me unconditionally and would forgive me regardless of how distant I was from Him or no matter what I had done, my heart felt heavy. I leaned that not only would God forgive me, but He would forgive me to a degree no mortal of this world could. God would cast my sins into the sea of forgetfulness never to be brought against me again. I felt a mixture of wonderful hope and yet a terrible feeling that I was displeasing to He who loved me so very much. Tears filled my eyes. I was being called. Jesus was knocking at my door. A part of me wanted to get up and go to that alter and have my sins forever washed away and begin a new life serving God, but yet I did not go. I walked out of church that day just as lost as I had come in.

I did not attend church the following Sunday nor the next. I do not recall how many Sundays I missed before I returned. The Sunday I had attended left me with such a feeling of uneasiness that I could not bring myself to go through that again.

Sometime in this general time frame I had taken a trip to Vanderbilt Hospital in Nashville for a medical problem my Joan was having with her leg. While on the way home I discovered that something was severely wrong with my eye sight. At this point it is necessary to go back a few years to explain a medical condition I have with my eyes. In the early 90’s I was diagnosed with a disease known as Presumed Ocular Histoplasmosis Syndrome. Without being too technical, it is a condition of the retina which leaves scaring which results in blind spots in vision. Through the years it had gotten progressively worse leaving me legally blind in my left eye by the mid 90’s and about 20/30 to 20/40 vision in my right eye (vision quality fluctuates). Suddenly and without warning, my eye sight had worsened dramatically. I had my eyes checked when I got home and my vision checked 20/400 which is significantly worse that what is considered legally blind. Over time by the grace of God, my sight improved very much but I never fully recovered the loss of vision from that flare up. Through much strain and discomfort I was able to hold my Design job at TRW but driving to work was to become a real challenge and even an unsafe task for both myself and other motorist. This is when I started car pooling with Mark Skelton. This is a major event in my testimony because through car pooling with Mark, I found the best friend I had ever had and also received the benefits of his witnessing. Mark is not only very knowledgeable in God’s word but he has a talent for explaining and teaching that I have never seen done so well. I learned more of God’s Word and gained a level of understanding I had never even come closed to before from riding to and from work with Mark. Loosing a significant part of my eye sight was perhaps an ugly piece of the puzzle God was putting together, but the picture will be beautiful when it is complete.

During my time of abstinence from the church I thought about my eternal destiny which added to my uneasiness. I could not get it off my mind. I opened my Bible for the first time in many years and began to read on salvation. I had never really read much on the subject of salvation. I had some misconceptions on the subject. I came across a scripture one night that completely shattered preconceived belief on salvation. That scripture was:

8. For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of ;yourselves: it is the gift of God:
9. Not of works, lest any man should boast.
Ephesians 2:8, 9

I read that scripture over and over. It taught me that I did not have to be good to be saved. All I had to do was believe, repent, and call upon him with a humble and sincere heart. I could come to God just as I was and turn it all over to Him. What a revelation to realize you don’t have to straighten out your live before giving it to Jesus, you give it to Jesus the way it is and HE will straighten it out! That realization gave me a great deal of peace, but yet I was still lost.

Soon after reading that scripture I decided to attend church again. This second trip was just as the first. I felt conviction, and the tears flowed. This time Andy saw the tears. Once again I did not heed the call and left the church a lost man. I went through the same pattern as before. I could not bring myself to go back right away, but continued to read my Bible learning a little more with time. Eventually I felt another draw to the church. It is truly amazing how the Holy Spirit can convict you and scare you and yet draw you all at the same time.

My third trip to church came in June of 2000, approximately two months since my first visit. Going to church an average of once a month may not seem like much of a church goer to many but considering I had never attended church at all as an adult other than a wedding or funeral, once a month was huge improvement for me. The third trip was just as the first two except that conviction seemed stronger than it ever had before. I believe I almost made the alter call that Sunday but almost don’t count.

Why does a person reject Jesus? Why does a person turn from the only one in which there is any hope, the only one who can save a person from the torments of an eternal Hell? Why would anyone choose eternal torment rather than eternal life in Heaven where life there is so wonderful it is not in the hearts and minds of man to comprehend the wonderfulness and glory that awaits those who choose the Lord? Why would anyone with an ounce of intelligence who believes the gospel not choose Jesus with all he has to offer, both in this world and beyond? It does not make sense. There is no logical answer why any believer of the gospel would reject Christ knowing the consequences. I was a believer and I am not stupid, yet I rejected him three times in a row. I can not answer for everyone; we all have or had our own excuses for rejecting Christ but I believe my biggest excuse was the fear of the unknown. Sure, I knew if I accepted Jesus there would be positive changes, the most significant being my eternal destiny, but I knew that if I became a Christian, I would be expected to live my life in a totally different way. I had leaned that salvation was not of our own works but by the grace of God, but I also knew that salvation was not a free ticket to sin. I did not want to live the life of a hypocrite and therefore lifestyle changes were required in order to live a life of fellowship and service to God. I lacked confidence in my ability to make those changes. Some of the desires of my heart were worldly and not pleasing to God so I knew there were some things I would have to give up and things I would have to change. How can a person change who they are? How can a person will themselves to not enjoy the things they have always enjoyed? How could I look upon an attractive female and not see her in a lustful manner when I had always done so before? How could jokes that used to be funny suddenly no longer be funny, and even be offensive? How in the world can a person be expected to completely change who and what they are? Was I prepared and did I really want to make those lifestyle changes? Could I make them even if I wanted to? I did not want to become a prude. I did not want to be one of those people that no one wants to be around because they feel as though they have to walk on egg shells in order not to offend them. I simply did not think I could change my life so completely.

I was right, I couldn’t change myself, but God could and did when I was saved. After rejecting the Lord for the third time, I went home feeling lower than I had ever felt before. I thought about my situation and how dangerous it was. I knew that if I was to die as I was, I would go to Hell. This fact plagued me with sadness and despair. I could not take it any longer and so that evening after church and after dwelling in these feelings for a while, I finally called out to the Lord and asked Him to save me. Some people say that it was at that time that I was saved. I do not think so. At the time I called on the Lord, I was not under conviction, I was only concerned for my eternal destiny. There is a difference. When I cried out to the Lord to save me, there was no sincerity in my repentance. I was not truly sorry for my sins nor did I have a commitment to turn away from them. I was acting on fear and not conviction. Fear and conviction are not the same thing, though fear is one element of conviction. I believe conviction also has elements of guilt, shame, and a desire to completely change from evil ways and serve the Lord. These elements were missing from the feelings I had when I cried out to Jesus therefore I did not have true conviction and did not receive salvation. The proof that my conclusions were true is that after crying out to the Lord to be saved, I did not feel the presence of the Holy Spirit, I had no desire to tell anyone of the experience, and the most significant evidence is that my life did not change afterwards. My language did not clean up, the desires of my heart did not change, there was no conviction nor chastisement for the sins I committed afterwards. I had tried to be saved outside of conviction and it simply did not work. I had not moved when God had called me. I did not strike when the poker was hot. I called on the Lord to save me several more times over the next couple of days, yet I was not saved. I knew the reason I was not being saved and decided to attend church the following Sunday and when conviction came this time I would heed the call. My mind was finally ready, I just needed for my heart to be ready. I thought that since God had tugged on my heart strings for three consecutive church attendances, he would continue to do so.

When I went to church the following Sunday, I was surprised that I felt no conviction. This continued Sunday after Sunday. I became frustrated at the situation. Every time the preacher made an alter call, I knew there was people there whose heart was breaking. These people were being called and would not go and I wanted to go but was not being called. Oh how I wished my heart would break! I continued to attend church each week after that waiting for God’s call. I prayed each night, not for salvation but for conviction because I knew salvation could not be mine until my heart was broken again. Weeks turned into months. I was very concerned. I wondered if I had used up my last chance. It is a very scary thing to know enough of the gospel to realize your need for salvation and to believe the Lord may never call upon you again. I often discussed my dilemma with Mark during our rides to and from work. I found some hope in the things Mark said to me. I know Mark was praying for me and I knew Mark had a good relationship with the Lord, so I believe his prayers were heard.

Mark even told me that he had already claimed me for Jesus which is an act of absolute faith. Mark also offered me hope through an analogy. He asked me if as a child, I had ever disobeyed my father and been sent to my room as a punishment and to think on what I had done. I answered yes, and he then asked, after a while didn’t your father come to get you? I got his point. He said perhaps I had been sent to my spiritual room for a while. According to Mark, even “old” Christians sometimes mess up and are sent to their spiritual room. In the case of someone who is already saved, it is called chastisement. Their joy is taken away, the comfort of the Holy spirit leaves them for a while. It is all so that we will learn and be better servants to Him. It made good sense and I hoped he was right.

It just so happens that my brother-in-law pastor is also a plumber, or at least he was before he retired a year before. I had a leaky outdoor faucet and he came out to fix it. This was in late fall to best of my recollection. After he finished the job late one afternoon, we talked for a brief while in my driveway. I confided in him for the first time about my dilemma, telling him of the sinner’s prayer I had prayed but had not received salvation. I told him that when and if conviction comes again, I would certainly heed the call.

As the holidays drew near, my brother-in-law, Jack was diagnosed with cancer. Jack had been a very hard working man all his life. He knew what it was to work sixteen and more hours a day in the hot summer sun. At one time Jack had lived a life engulfed in sin. In the last ten or more years however, Jack had cleaned up his act a great deal. With the help and grace of God, he had defeated his alcohol addiction. When Jack was not drinking, he was a very friendly and hospitable man. He was always willing to lend a helping hand to anyone in need. Although he had cleaned up his act a great deal, he was still a lost man however. Jack’s road of conviction which lead to his salvation would prove to be an inspiring testimony to all that knew him.

Jack’s illness was a very difficult and trying time for the Barnette family, especially when it became obvious that his condition was terminal. Aside from the worry of Jack’s physical illness, we all worried for his spiritual condition even more. The experience brought a new sense of reality concerning death and beyond to all of us. Jack had been under conviction for a long time, but was he was resistant. The situation brought other family members into conviction. They knew enough of the gospel to know that their prayers could not be heard without salvation. We all longed for Jack to be saved, even those of us who were lost ourselves. How could any of us expect to have any witnessing power to be an influence on Jack if we were lost ourselves? I suppose it must have also been on the minds of some that in order to see Jack and be with him again after he leaves us, not only will he need to be saved, but we will need to be saved as well. I suppose it was the combination of all these things which brought some of the family to conviction.

On the morning of January 7, 2001 as I sat in the third row from the front surrounded by family, conviction came to all those around me. When the alter call was made, I was the only person left on the pew. The rest of my family who were seated with me were on their knees at the alter. Lonnie gave his heart to the Lord, Roger rededicated his life, and others had come to pray and give support to those who heeded God’s call. I sat there in my pew feeling a strange mixture of joy for those who were being saved and coming back to the Lord, and sadness for myself. I wanted what they were receiving. I was given that opportunity on three occasions the previous year but had not yielded to the call. Now what a terrible price I was paying. I felt “left behind” just like the ones in the Christmas play the church had given a few weeks earlier. My emotions were stirring but I was not sure that it was conviction so I did not move. I had already tried to be saved without being called and it had done me no good and I did not want that experience again as I knew it would only add to my despair. I wanted to know for sure that I was being called before I went to the Lord in a sinner’s prayer.

After the alter call, Andy commented on how blessed he was to have some of his prayers answered that day in that a brother-in-law was saved and another rededicated his life. Then he unexpectedly turned to me and briefly told the church of my struggle and asked them to pray for me that I may be saved also. As I walked out of the church that day and shook Andy’s hand I told him what a wonderful day it was that members of our family came to the Lord and he agreed. I then told him, “The day ain't over yet.” He hugged me, and told me to come back that night.

Throughout that day, I experienced a strange feeling. It was a feeling that something good was about to happen. It was as though conviction was slowly creeping upon me. I had never been to church on a Sunday night; for the past nine months I had only attended church during the morning service and had only been attending Sunday School for about a month. This day however, I felt a strong urge to return that night. I began to feel excited as the evening hour approached. I truly felt that this may be the night when God will show me his mercy and give me another opportunity to accept Jesus. My wife had spent the most of that day away from home with her sister Helen. It was a good thing, because I really needed that time alone. Shortly before six o’clock that evening I began to get ready to attend evening services. Poochie arrived home at about five minutes after six. I told her I was going to church that night. It was then she told me something that made my heart sink. She said that church started at six, not seven as I had thought. I almost decided not to go since I would be late. Then it came to me that my feelings that something great was about to happen must be true because the Devil obviously did not want me to go. When I realized this, I quickly changed my mind and decided to go even though I may be late. I rushed to get ready. The only shirt I had was somewhat wrinkled and did not look very neat. Poochie told me how terrible it looked and I said I was going to church even if I had to wear that wrinkled shirt. There was no time to press it because

we were already late. So with my wrinkled shirt, lace up work boots and Bible under my arm, we headed for God’s house.

Things did not go exactly as I expected. With the drawing to the church that I felt, I expected a sermon with extreme convicting power. but the sermon I heard that night did not stir me in the slightest. I am not criticizing the sermon. My pastor lets God lead him and I know someone there that night needed that particular sermon, but it was not I. I expected a sermon for the lost, a sermon which preached of God’s love, mercy, and compassion for sinners who came to seek Him. Instead, the message seemed to be for the Christian. The sermon was on obedience and the story of Jonah was used to exemplify the message. I must admit that I was disappointed as I sat there feeling no conviction at all when the entire day I had felt such a strong compulsion to attend church that night.

At the end of the sermon, there was an alter call as always. Every head bowed and every eye close, Andy asked for the convicted to come forward and heed the calling. Even at this point, I felt nothing except disappointment. When was God going to have mercy and call he again? My heart had told me it would be tonight, but apparently what I had thought was a drawing was only of my own mind. No one came to the alter. Then Andy asked if there was anyone lost who needed prayer to raise their hand. I had heard Andy ask this question at every alter call he had ever given. Looking back now, it is strange to me that despite how much I said I wanted to be convicted and saved and how much I had even prayed for it, I had never raised my hand when this question was asked. It now seems that I was all talk and no action. It was as though I wanted to be saved but did not have the courage or commitment to let it be known. Well, it just don’t work that way. With God it is all or nothing; He doesn’t accept half just as he doesn’t give half. This night as I sat there with my head bowed and eyes closed, I thought of how I had never raised my hand to request prayer and it dawned on me how hypocritical that was. How could I expect for God to give my pleas any consideration when I was not showing sincerity by never requesting prayer when the offer was made? It was time to show sincerity.

For the very first time I raised my hand to request prayer. I heard a voice, “God bless you, I see that hand”. Suddenly and unexpectedly, my eyes burned, I became very nervous, and another feeling I can not describe came over me. I do not know how to describe the feeling of being called by God. It is like pure love and fear at the same time. This was it! This is what I had been waiting and praying for. The conviction I needed was finally here. I had thought earlier in the day it would come this night but once in church I no longer thought it would be this night. Even the moment I raised my hand to request prayer, I felt nothing. When Andy said, “God bless you, I see that hand” it came down. Knowing this was real, true conviction, I was not about to let this opportunity slip away as I had before.

Within seconds of raising my hand, I stood and headed for the alter. I drooped to my knees and began to pray. I do not recall my exact words but I know I confessed I was a sinner, I asked for forgiveness, I professed my belief in Jesus, I asked to be washed in the redeeming blood of Christ and I asked Jesus to come into my life. That moment I died, and that moment I was born. I was snatched from the clutches of Satan and the chains of sin that had bound me to a destiny in Hell were broken. My name was entered into the Lamb’s Book of Life. I stood to my feet a new man more pure and clean than the day I was born into this world, for I had just been washed in the blood of the Lamb of God. My sins were cast from me as far as the East is from the West. I was now a child of God, sealed until the day of redemption and Heaven will be my eternal home. PRAISE THE LORD!,

Life After Salvation

When I stood to my feet as a child of the King, I found that there were people all around me. I had not noticed that they had come to the alter. My wife was there, my sister-in-law Helen, Kemper, and others. People I did not know except by their face were hugging me and telling me they loved me. I knew they truly meant it because they said it with real tears in their eyes. That is an example of true Christian love. It was not necessary that they knew me well, they were moved to tears by a lost man being saved. I have since come to understand and inherit that love myself. I now shed tears of joy when I witness a lost soul give their heart to Jesus. I was not able to do that before. I thought of myself as a compassionate person but if someone I did not know came to the Lord, I did not find the level of joy in their salvation that I do now. This capacity to love those we do not know is a precious gift from God to those who know Him as their Heavenly Father.

As one might imagine, I was extremely overjoyed at this moment in my life, yet the Devil tried to rob me of it. I learned immediately how fast the Devil will try to influence God’s children when he looses them. I know he was very angry at me. It makes anybody mad when someone comes up to them and snatches something from them that has always been theirs and then claims it for his own. That is what happened to the Devil. He knows he lost me forever, but that is all the more reason for him to try and have influence over me. There was no need when I was his. He knows it would be to his advantage to destroy my testimony and to quickly lead me down an unrighteous path because if he accomplishes this, I loose my witnessing power and can not lead others to Christ. As I said, he wasted no time after my salvation to try and lead me astray. I found that in the midst of my joy, I doubted for a moment. I had wanted this so much that a concern came upon me that I may have done something wrong. Perhaps I had not prayed the exact words that I needed to or I had erred in some other way. I now appreciate the words of Steve Ball who once told me that he met his adversary when he met his savior. Satan may have been quick to strike but God was quick in protecting His new born child. In that moment of doubt, a man by the name of Odie Housewright came to shake my hand and told me something that I will remember for as long as life or mind prevails. He told me, “The first thing the Devil will do is try to convince you that you are not saved, and when he does, bring him to this time and place.” Odie had no way of knowing that he was an instrument of God that night. No sooner had Satan tried to rob me of my peace than God working through Odie restored it. After realizing the truth in Odie’s words, my faith was lifted because the fact that the Devil tried to destroy my faith actually strengthened my faith in my salvation. I just love when God beats the Devil with his own club!

I gave my first testimony that night. I do not speak well to large groups but that night I did so with peace. When church let out, I had to tell more people which is another piece of evidence of my salvation. I called Mark first. He was first because he had played such a major role in leading me to the Lord. Through him I had learned so many things; not only scripture, but also of things that can only be seen through the life of a Christian in good standing with God. I could see in Mark true Christian love; Love for his fellow man and love for the Lord. Through Mark, I had gained a better understanding of God’s nature. Mark has a way of explaining the Gospel that makes even the most difficult to understand elements of God’s Word revealing. Mark had been praying for my salvation since we had first met. This man who became my best friend had a burden for my lost soul. Mark was deserving to receive the first call.

When I went to bed the night of my salvation, I had a feeling of peace I had never known. I now knew for the first time in my life at age forty two that my eternal destiny was Heaven. Never again would I have concern that I would go to Hell if I should die before accepting the Lord as my savior. I relished in the knowledge that no matter what trials or hardships that lay ahead, the final outcome would be eternal life with happiness, joy, peace, love, and pleasures unknown. I could now rest in the security of God’s promise regardless of any troubles I encounter in this world. I also knew that for the very first time, that my prayers would reach my Heavenly Father. My first prayer to him was to first thank him for my salvation and my first request was for him to bring my Dad to conviction so that he may be saved. I also prayed for the salvation of others but my heaviest burden was and remains for my Dad. I prayed that God would send him a witness to explain the plan of salvation and that God would give him comprehension of the message. I asked God to place a burden on his heart to hear God’s word. These prayers for my Dad has been a daily prayer of mine from that night to this very day. God has already been answering my prayers. My Dad has been to church twice as I write this and plans to come more. Also God has sent two witnesses to him. My Dad is lacking in his understanding and requires more witnessing. Although I have witnessed to several since my salvation, I find it the most difficult to witness to my own Dad. My prayers continue for him. I ask that any who will read this, please pray for him.

As a new born Christian, I had many things to learn. Just like in the world, growing in Christ has its growing pains. The following Wednesday night, Andy asked me to give my testimony to the church. I did not expect him to ask for it, but I stood and began to speak. This time I did not feel the peace that I did the night I was saved and I felt very clumsy in my speech. There were awkward moments where the words would not come, there were long pauses, I generally felt I had done a terrible job. It bothered so much that later that night when I got home, I called Andy to express to him my feelings. I told him I felt embarrassed at how poorly I had spoken. Andy pointed out that the Devil would always try to convenience me that my testimony was terrible because he certainly did not want me to give it again. He reassured me that there was nothing flawed about my testimony and never worry about the delivery just speak the truth and God will use it. A few days later, people were coming to me telling me how much they enjoyed my testimony. One man even remarked on it to the church during his own testimony. I believe God was sending me peace. This was the second time in the first week of being His child that the Devil had tried to strike me down and the second time God had shielded me from his destructive deception. I was already learning to recognize the Devil’s work and was seeing how by having faith and being obedient, the Lord would always be there for me to protect me.

On January 21, 2001, two weeks after I was saved, Poochie and I were getting ready for church that Sunday morning when we received a phone call with wonderful news. We were informed that Jack had been saved that very morning. This Sunday would turn out to be one of the most memorable, spirit filled, church services I would ever attend. The church was overjoyed at the news of Jack’s salvation. Jack came to church later during the worship service and gave testimony that the Lord had saved his soul. God poured out His spirit on Freedom Baptist Church that Sunday of January 21st. I experienced for the first time the real joy of a lost man other than myself coming to Christ. For the first time I was spiritually moved from the salvation of another. I was able to rejoice with my brothers and sisters this Sunday rather than sitting and feeling alone and desperate. I had known Jack for many years and this day was the first time he told me that he loved me. In the midst of this joyous time, Waymond Linkous came forward and announced his call to preach. The church was once again in a celebration. I have never witnessed the Spirit poured out so abundantly as it was that Sunday.

Jack left us on Wednesday afternoon February 28, 2001. I did not say we lost him because you have not lost anything if you know where it is. Jack is in Heaven with the Lord and those of us who have heeded the call of the Lord and those who will heed the call before it is too late will see him again. Jack was quiet a character. He was never one to put up a front. He was the same all the time around all people. You never had to guess how Jack felt, he let his feelings known without hinder. There was nothing phony about Jack. he was real. Whether you liked him or disliked him; you did so based on who he was. There was little to no allowance for misconception about him. By the same token, if Jack liked you, you knew it, and if he didn’t, you knew that too. In his last days, Jack loved everyone, and true to his nature, his feelings were exemplified in his character. It is this pure honesty in him that I admired and will remember most about him. Jack was always willing to lend a helping hand to anyone, both as a lost man and as a saved man. God only changed the bad things, but left the good. I will miss Jack and I look forward to seeing him again.

It is a true blessing to feel the Holy Spirit when it comes upon you. Although I feel it is always present in my church there are times it’s presence does not always seem to be as moving as others. I have also seen times that others seemed to feel it more than I. This bothered me shortly after my salvation. It bothered me that others were sometimes moved to shouts and praise while I did not have the same moving experience. One Wednesday night after a prayer meeting, I expressed this to Helen as she drove me home. She offered a very simple but profound explanation which gave me some peace on the subject. She said, “Maybe it is planting time and not reaping time.” I understood the analogy. Today’s sermon may seem without much substance but days, weeks, or even months down the road when the time is right, we may draw from that sermon and obtain peace, strength, or guidance at the time it is needed. It would seem then that while some sermons offer instant remedies, others are stored up like grain for the Winter to be used at a later time.

I learned another lesson regarding prayer shortly after I was saved. After being saved, not only did I begin to attend both morning and evening service on Sunday, I had started attending Wednesday night prayer meetings as well. One Wednesday night I came to the alter to pray for the first time. A lady was seated at the alter and had been anointed for a medical problem. Andy had all that were at the alter to join hands forming a circle around her with our backs to her. The idea came from the natural instinct of the Buffalo which form such a circle around their young during a storm. The herd faces the storm to give protection to the young. We joined hands forming the circle as instructed and began to pray. I had never took part in prayer at the alter before. As we began to pray, I noticed the words of those around me. Their words flowed effortlessly and with vigor. My own words however were clumsy and awkward even worse than when I had given my testimony. I felt very bad that I was unable to pray as well as all those around me. I had difficulty concentrating. I was confused. Why did I have such difficulty in praying. At times my mind had even been blank and the words would not come. Was I not a child of God just as those I was praying with? Why then did it seem that they had a spirit about them that seemed to anoint them and give them the ability to pray with such zeal? This bothered me deeply. Later that night at home I was thinking about how poorly I had prayed when out of no where it seemed, I began to think about Jesus walking on the water. When Peter saw Jesus walking on the water, he called to him saying, “Lord if it is you, command me to come to you.” Jesus answered, “come.” As Peter left the boat, he stepped firmly on the water and began to walk toward Jesus. Peter was then distracted by the wind and the waves around him. He was suddenly afraid and he began to sink. Jesus caught him and told him he had little faith. I thought how earlier that night I was like Peter. I took my sight off the Lord and became aware of my surroundings and therefore began to sink. My focus should have been on talking to the Lord. My concern should have been for the lady sitting at the alter who needed our prayers, but rather my concern was for my delivery of the prayer. I was ashamed and prayed asking for forgiveness. I had learned a valuable lesson. When I pray now with others at the alter, I focus on the Lord. I am not concerned with the delivery, for I am not giving a performance. I only strive to pray humbly and in truth. I no longer compare my prayer to another’s prayer. It has been pointed out to me that some may memorize a prayer which gives a false impression. The Bible tells us we are not to do this. How can a prayer be sincere if it is memorized? I keep my words simple and speak to Him in the best way that I can, much like I would talk to anyone else. Through this experience I grew a little.

I have also learned in my short time as a Christian how to better deal with temptation. The Devil is crafty and persuasive. He has been at his work a very long time and understands human nature very well. In fact human nature is his accomplice. It is our very nature to sin which works to the Devils advantage. He often offers us the excuse of human nature to convince us it is all right to sin. The Devil is actually correct in much of what he tells us. He will wrap a lie with a little truth to camouflage his deceit. It is indeed natural to have all these feelings and responses. However we as born again Christians are not to be conformed to this world, but to be transformed. We are not to follow our own nature but follow God’s will as revealed to us in His word.

It is a difficult and constant struggle to resist temptation, defying the sinful nature of the flesh to conform to the will of God. We must learn to recognize that when we set out to rationalize our sinful actions, we are under the deceitful influence of Satan. We are to resist, for there is no rationalization for sin. We must also be constantly aware that when the Devil tempts us we have someone from which we may draw strength. I have found that if we will call upon the name of the Lord as soon as we recognize temptation creeping upon us, He will help us and the Devil will flee. Watch out because he will be back. He never stops. He lies in wait like a cat of pray hiding and stalking; ready to strike when we are most vulnerable. I believe the best we can do is learn to recognize his crafty ways and remember our source of strength that it is so close it dwells within us.

Although the Lord has revealed to me this knowledge, I am far from being incorruptible. Despite the things I know, sometimes the Devil still wins a battle and I fall to temptation. All I can do is repent and use the experience to strengthen me for the next round. We all have our weaknesses and Satan knows them very well. For some it is greed, for others it is lust and some may be particularly vulnerable to thoughts and acts of vengeance. Whatever our weakness I believe, that is where the Devil will strike the most often and hit us the hardest. The Devil does not win as many battles with me as he once did as I have grown stronger in Christ with time. I hope and pray to continue my Christian growth so that he will win yet fewer battles as time passes. I believe however, that because I am still in this imperfect flesh, I will continue on occasion to fall to temptation until the Lord takes me from this corruptible body. I find some peace in the knowledge however, that although Satan may continue to win a battle now and then, he as already lost the war, and he has lost me! How wonderful it will be to someday be rid of this menacing foe forever!

I have been blessed with many answered prayers since being saved. I have had two friends of many years, Phyllis and Larry come to the Lord. My Mom rededicated her life, My Dad has been in church and has been visited by two good witnesses. My brother has shown an increase in interest of God’s word. These are all major prayers that have been answered. Many daily prayers have also been answered such as strength for the day, comfort and guidance during difficult times, increased wisdom of God’s word, opportunities to witness to others, deliverance from temptation and specific answers to specific questions have been revealed.

I feel God’s plan for me is still very much in the making. I have since lost my job at TRW. It seems like a bad thing to happen, but I feel God has a purpose for it. As much as God has caused the events listed above to come together, I don’t believe it would be in vain. Perhaps God is making a way for me to have more time to serve him. I am not sure how the rest of his plan will materialize. I trust in him. He said all things work to the good of those who abide in him. That is enough. In the similar words of my friend Mark, “I do not know what my future holds, but I know who holds my future.

Amen

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